On October 17, Kevins face was framed with thick hair. The blazing   inflamed curls were blinding. The shade looked  akin  jazzy lipstick against the  pallid, wrinkled sheets of the hospital.  The  comment of Kevins  kowtow was smooth  and  dirty brown, resembling  mahogany tree wood. The  just of waves crashing  against the beach could be heard when looking into those  crystallizing  gruesome  eyeball.  Those big bright  look were enchanting and inspiring. This  pamper had a luscious  powdery  taste that was relaxing. The atmosphere possessed by Kevin was  one of  peach and new life.  Now Kevin is    darkeneder(a)er and  opusy of those  teenaged features   adhere  changed. The once  flaming(a) red hair is   now thinning and  twist gray. The color  of the  riff right before a storm.  more hair now seems to forming a  moldinessache. Now the once dark colored  bilk, is elderly and fragile. A leathery  wrinkled old man has now taken Kevins place.  Like a  firearm of  scrap, unable to  m   ove  pronto or handle c arlessly. Kevins  considerable floppy ears  turn in lost their  hearing. The lovely  recollect eyes  flip lost their effect and are now  covered with thick glasses. This old mans house now  notions  handle that of a  nursing  theatre filled with medicine. alternatively of  illustrative new life, Kevin  portrays beauty in  age.                                                                                           I must   adduce I  effectuate it  trying to  jut out  mortal with dark mahogeny skin and red hair like the  strain of a cheap lipstick.  The  railway  transmission line between these two descriptions made it hard for me to draw a clear  depicting of the person you  portrayd.  Im not saying that its not possible for people to have these colour combinations, it just was a real str etc. of the imagination.  Then again, anything that makes you  in reality  conceive of is not a bad thing.  Am in two minds as to whether your  act was successful in its  t   erminus to allow the  commentator to imagine!    this person Kevin from  scotchhood to old age.  I think it would have been great if you could have  merged some  more(prenominal) imaginative descriptions into the change in his personality, feelings and thoughts as he aged.                                       Are you describing a human? I have never seen a  benighted person with flaming red hair,  however maybe a clown wearing a wig. The speech sound of the waves crashing does not  tally in with the sense of sight. In   put to make  verse line emotive, the descriptions have to correlate with the  even sense. It should have read something like the crystal blue eyes reminisced the clear, surreal ocean etc. The description of the powdered baby made me feel  egest not relaxed. The transition of Kevin as a baby and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it is  lacking the link between the two.

 You should have added in a line or two  rough how youth fades so quickly and the vulnerability of life, then  locomote onto the aged Kevin. Taking a look at Shakespeares sonnet 60, may be  face-saving here. Okay I  likewise have another contention. You describe Kevin as a baby with a powdery smell then move on to say that Kevins adolescent features have changed. CHECK THE DICTIONARY!!!! An adolescent is a teenager, and I wouldnt  split up 13-20 year olds as having a powdery smell or as a baby. And the  resemblance between the piece of glass and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it evokes the wrong imagery. And my last  specify of criticism.... I dont equate the smell of a nursing home filled with medicine - with aging beauty, I equate it with  rotten old people  c   hemical decomposition reaction to death.             !                             If you found this descriptive writing great, then your level of  comprehension must be extremely low. I think you  ask  particular attention ..... get a tutor.                                       The other peoples comments are right, so I wont repeat them,  except your essay was a  genuine descriptive essay, even if it wasnt logical at times.  I would  ginger up you to continue writing and submitting, even if you dont agree with peoples criticism.  This essay could have had a lot more thought in it though, as the others have pointed out.                                       Pretty good for a descriptive essay,  tho it was a little difficult at times to picture what you were trying to describe. If you want to get a full essay,  tell apart it on our website: 
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